I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The adults are the big ones right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
