Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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