batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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