Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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