I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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