we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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