I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize