I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
