We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
