fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Someone came in the potted fern
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
