we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
