I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
