I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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