it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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