We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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