Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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