Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize