Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
