so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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