he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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