I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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