If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
