you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
