Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize