Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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