The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
