Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
