The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
