im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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