sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize