I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
