I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
