no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
