if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
