she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
