I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You need a sexual gate keeper
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
