it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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