you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
