That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
