It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
