What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
