can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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