Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
