google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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