No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
