If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
