You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
