So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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