What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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