You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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