and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
