My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
