Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize