doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
