I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
