last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
