I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
