I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
