Whoa Z and x make the same sound
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
