I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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