and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
