her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
