I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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