i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
