Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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