Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
