You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
