I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
