So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the liver wants what the liver wants
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
