i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
