Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
