Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
