If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
