I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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