I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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