i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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